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jesus fucking christ. this certainly was a week! i'm gonna die i think... i've been procrastinating for so long i just don't wanna do anything anymore lmfaoooo grades actually fucking matter this year though because i'm taking highschool next year! i'm juggling a bunch of barely As and 80s this is GREAT plus i dunno if i wanna exist anymore this entire month so far is like a breakdown... it feels like i'm on a rollercoaster and i'm at the highest point, but its broken so i'm just sitting there anticipating the drop. or maybe i'm literally just free falling and i have no idea all my energy has left me. i need to do a shit load of history stuff math isn't looking good and i have a reading essay draft that was due 2 days ago. when i forcibly make myself pass out so i don't have to do this anymore? then what 😒 anyway you'll see me in like 2 weeks if i don't jump out a damn window
god who let me post this
Jan. 26th, 2022 10:53 pmthis post will mention things that could potentially be trigger! read at your risk!
looking back at my previous posts is certainly an experience! i don't know if i should pity the person i was before or to be proud. i know my past self would be disgusted in both of those options. i am slowly healing though and learning as a person. it's been almost a year and i'm slowly getting out of self harm. i still don't know if i'm truly happy with the person i am now, but i am still growing. this is starting to sound like a cheesy self acceptance essay... all we need now is some royalty free music in the background and this can be a shitty youtube video!
speaking of shitty youtube videos a while back my health teacher was talking about a kid, we will call him jacob, that had committed suicide and that the kid had always been happy and never seemed sad. the teacher was saying shit like, "i don't understand why he did it... he was so popular and smart" um... first of all YEW ARE A FREAK let the poor guy rest. second of all you don't understand that guy and never will if this is your attitude to his death. this was so irking to me because I'VE been on the urge of suicide. some fucking stupid video about running laps for this dead guy, as the fucking narrator, i shit you not, makes jacob's death all about him instead, with some ass royalty free music is not going to prevent the deaths of suicidal fourteen year olds. i truly cannot fathom what went through their heads when they posted it.
looking back at my previous posts is certainly an experience! i don't know if i should pity the person i was before or to be proud. i know my past self would be disgusted in both of those options. i am slowly healing though and learning as a person. it's been almost a year and i'm slowly getting out of self harm. i still don't know if i'm truly happy with the person i am now, but i am still growing. this is starting to sound like a cheesy self acceptance essay... all we need now is some royalty free music in the background and this can be a shitty youtube video!
speaking of shitty youtube videos a while back my health teacher was talking about a kid, we will call him jacob, that had committed suicide and that the kid had always been happy and never seemed sad. the teacher was saying shit like, "i don't understand why he did it... he was so popular and smart" um... first of all YEW ARE A FREAK let the poor guy rest. second of all you don't understand that guy and never will if this is your attitude to his death. this was so irking to me because I'VE been on the urge of suicide. some fucking stupid video about running laps for this dead guy, as the fucking narrator, i shit you not, makes jacob's death all about him instead, with some ass royalty free music is not going to prevent the deaths of suicidal fourteen year olds. i truly cannot fathom what went through their heads when they posted it.
so this is awkward... 🧍♂️ i haven't died i know that may come as a shock to you all but i havent! i'm in 8th grade now so this is fun (¬_¬")
